WEIRD STAR WARS

I'm not going to go into detail about how I was this huge Star Wars geek and then one day I just lost my taste for the stuff. So I haven't paid much attention to the roar of the J.J. Abrams Star Wars machine. Now that they have unveiled a title, which is so underwhelming it will bore me to sleep to even write it here.

So, as I am the worst, laziest kind of blogger, especially here, I was thinking about my favorite stuff from Star Wars. My favorite aesthetic stuff, background stuff, bit characters, because really, that's the stuff that really paints the Star Wars universe for me. One of the issues with the prequels is that being so CG heavy, you no longer had these tiny bits of "weirdness" in the background. It was a whole bunch of noise.

So if I were at the helm of SW7, here are a few things that I would like to see again -

RANCOR KEEPERS

Who is this guy? What is the rancor? Did this guy raise the rancor from birth? I know, I know, there's probably a slew of EU books that tell the whole story, but I've never seen those as "canon" or rather, I've never gotten around to reading those dry, chalky reads. I imagined this guy found the rancor, raised him on his own, trained him, and then found a sweet gig at Jabba's palace where he could keep the rancor fed on those who displeased Jabba. The death or the rancor must have really weighed on the guy. Sucks.

ORIGINAL CANTINA WEREWOLF

They needed monsters, so there you go, a wolfman mask. But really, how this dude is lit in the original 1977 version is really downright creepy and atmospheric. I imagined he was from a planet of werewolves. A planet of werewolves, which I think was an unfinished Hammer production.

Bo'Marr Monk

The B'omarr Order, which consisted of the B'omarr Monks, was a mysterious religious order that moved to the planet Tatooine around 700 BBY. The B'omarr believed that cutting themselves off from all physical sensation would further their studies, and allow them to ponder the galaxy and achieve enlightenment. When a monk became enlightened, his brain was removed through a special procedure, and was placed in a nutrient-filled jar. The brains were held in very high regard by the lower, embodied monks, who saw to their every need, though the brains rarely did anything other than think and wonder. When they did need to travel around their monastery on Tatooine, the brains were transferred into specially modified BT-16 perimeter droids.

That text comes from a Star Wars wiki page, so they know a lot more than me, but it's a spider robot carrying around a brain in a special jar.

Tosche Station

Because after all that build-up, I mean, what the fuck are power converters? Is it something as simple as a part for a sky hopper? Look how blissed out Camie and Fixer are. I'm thinking Tosche Station is something more in line with the Korova Milkbar. 

Mynocks

Great concept. Cool name. "Mynocks...chewing on the power cables." They're probably the most Star Trekky monster to show up in Star Wars.

Random Junk Droids

I always loved those scenes aboard the sandcrawler. These random droids falling over everywhere. Junk, rust, it really made for a mood. Really painted a setting like we hadn't seen before. That dude in the middle is especially cool.

Some brief examples of what will NOT be featured in the new D&D

Axon Spaceship

 Flesh Golem sucker punch

Sweet devil girl ass

Moe Black's brother, Fat Andy

Expedition to Yovo Matando

~CHAPTER ONE~

It began when I acquired an envelope of strange photographs that I am sharing here. The envelope had been tucked into a ragged copy of the rare 19th century tome, Unexplored Places of the Empire. I have taken these to many local photographers and none of them could agree on the camera, film stock, or process used to capture these odd images. 

On the back of each photo was a notation in blue ink. Some of them are barely legible, but I have done the best to reproduce them below.

"Yig cult massacre"

"Remains of Horst"

"illegible"

"Aru Gon Na Tasis"

"ruins at (illegible)"

"(illegible) St Agnes Hospital Room 23"

"Oslo necropolis"

"(illegible)"

"Adder Society Memorial, Oslo"

"Castle Bergfalk"

"Shub Niggurath rite, Avignon"

"Iris Thule (after the Incident)"

"Shub Niggurath reveler, Avignon"

"Tower and (illegible) stone gate, Yovo Matando"

"(illegible)"

"Koa Yann dock"

"ritual mask, Yovo Matando"

"Temple of Semerkhet - Jensen's first clue to the star (illegible)"

"Miss Bessie Cairo, Manchester"

 

"Rose J at father's grave"

Ghrolthakon - The Eater of Stars and Her Descendants

To prevent the catastrophic cosmic collapse of a dying star, the most powerful interdimensional wizards gathered on a fragile planet to summon Ghrolthakon - The Eater of Stars. 

They built an immense stone tower that reached from the planet's crust and into the empty void of space. At the top of the tower, they performed a thousand year ritual to build a dimensional prison around the star. 

When they finished, they offered up the disintegrating planet as a sacrifice to Ghrolthakon. Ghrolthakon swam through the black sea of space and devoured the dying star.

Ghrolthakon swims between worlds, in the boiling seas of newborn planets, through the gaseous hearts of red giants. Her brood falls through invisible chasms of space and time and into known and unknown worlds where they grew into silver-skinned collosi that swam beneath the waves or giants of mud and rock that writhed within the fiery chambers of the earth.

The sea-born and the two-legged beasts of the woods came to know them, and together they made pacts and sacred covenants with those of Ghrolthakon's kindred - among them were the Atalacamani - the sea-born women who would change their shape to walk among creatures both foul and fair. Ghrolthakon's eldest daughter Abakhatan is their queen and she swims in an ancient ocean of primordial blood at the core of the world.

The Atalacamani are a dark reflection of the selkies and sirens that have vexed sailors for centuries. They are the cousins of the horrible pennangalan, naga, and sigbin of Asiatic folklore, the foul and infamous legendarium of the Plateau of Leng, and of the shape-changing Buryat of Olhonsk who offered sacrifices to their hostess of the sea. Secret cults of men worshipped the Atalacamani by flagellating themselves with seaweed and finally castrating themselves, delivering their blood and genitals to the hungry sea.

Trail of Cthulhu Occupations Part One

ALIENIST

"But I did place upon his head and mine the two ends of my cosmic “radio”; hoping against hope for a first and last message from the dream-world in the brief time remaining."
-Beyond the Wall of Sleep

ANTIQUARIAN

(Lux and Ivy and their wizard-beast-horde of obscure recordings culled from the deepest recesses of the human psyche. Their home was said to also contain artifacts of the ancient cult of Goo Goo Muck)
"Our museum was a blasphemous, unthinkable place, where with the satanic taste of neurotic virtuosi we had assembled an universe of terror and decay to excite our jaded sensibilities."
-The Hound

ARTIST

“It is new, indeed, for I made it last night in a dream of strange cities; and dreams are older than brooding Tyre, or the contemplative Sphinx, or garden-girdled Babylon.”
- The Call of Cthulhu

CLERGY

“I hope you won’t stay till after dark. And I beg of you to let that thing on the table—the thing that looks like a match box—alone. We don’t know what it is, but we suspect it has something to do with what he did. We even avoid looking at it very steadily.”
-The Evil Clergyman

CRIMINAL

"Messrs. Ricci and Silva were experienced in the art of making unwilling persons voluble, and the screams of a weak and exceptionally venerable man can be easily muffled..."
-The Terrible Old Man

DILETTANTE

"It’s you who are cheaply sentimental now! You know well that the old things had better be let alone. All of you had better look out if ever I chant the old rites or try to call up what lies hidden in Yuggoth, Zimbabwe, and R’lyeh!"
- Medusa's Coil

2013 Go Away

Hola amigos, I know it's been a while since I last rapped at you.

Well, farewell to thee 2013. This has been a year filled with loss, grief, giant rodents, toenail fungus and psychiatry. I figured I would throw together a post about the current gamabilities that are currently stuck in my craw, as well as some high and lowlights of the year.

1. My long-time gaming group dissolved. I had kept them crawling through underground ruins and caverns for so long, I finally got them to the surface and ready to go blow the magic horn to wake up the dragon to take on the evil Necromancer that was posing as the Priest-King of a sect of monks.
Anyway, one member moved to the Netherlands, and two others just fell off the radar, although one of them did reach out to admonish me for saying mean things about Olson Scott Card, so whatever.

2. Actually got to play some D&D and Flailsnails! A one shot here, a one shot there. Actually playing and not running a game. Awesome.

3. I still couldn't care at all about D&D Next, however, I guess I'm becoming slightly curious to see the cover at this point.

This. In full day-glo colors! (Glowing Green for demon blood! Electric Blue for swords and armor! Preternatural Pink for demon skin! Yarrow Yellow for backgrounds and demon eyes!) 

4. Did not finish my OSR-B/X-LL projects - the Shadowdrift setting book (which I think now will probably just be a long list of d100 settings, situations and monsters) The Shadowdrift setting book is basically complete, it's just in a bunch of various legal pads and graph paper journals. I have toyed with the idea of starting a kickstarter for $40 to help cover the cost of a fifth of Fernet Branca while I sit and type it all up.

5. Acquired near-mint copy of Bushido. Still have not played Bushido. Will play Bushido in 2014.

6. Ran the first of my "BATTLES IN THE NORTH" FROSTY-GRIMMMM campaigns. One player was in it to win it, got his character killed under an hour into the game, and then seemed genuinely surprised that his character was actually dead. I'll run part two very soon.

7. The Mythos bug I caught is now a full-on infection. I've been reading up on what makes Trail of Cthulhu different from Call of Cthulhu. Something that I have noticed is that used Chaosium/CoC books are way more scarce on the used market than...well...anything else for that matter. My Cthulhu Mythos meets Big Trouble in Little China novella is in the works as well as my "Parlor Larp" clothing-optional-Cthulhu-post-punk-mystery-dinner-theater role-playing-group-think.

8. Did not acquire the OD&D collector set for the simple reason that it looks too nice. I want my gaming stuff to be scuffed, drawn-in, written-on, coffee-stained and dog eared. Well-used, well-worn, well-loved.

Long-forgotten tome of dubious intent? No, it's my copy of the Dungeon Masters Guide.

9. My demo was picked up and released by Fragile Branch as a very cool, limited edition cassette. You can acquire one here.

10. On a much more important note, and an emotional one - my friend Robert Stewart has been missing since December 6th. He was last seen after work in downtown Annapolis. They have searched the water, his friends and I have searched the town, and there is no trace. The detective in charge of the case officially said that they're at a dead end. So my year ends on a somber note.

About a month before Rob went missing, we talked about a sci-fi RPG that he was interested in putting together. Sort of a post-apocalyptic thing with lots of philosophy and math, which was what he dug. He was a brilliant guy and I was really excited about helping him put some ideas together.

I miss you, Robert. I wish you'd come home.

Happy new year.

Robert (l) and me. February 2012 at Red Wine Bar in Annapolis.

Dungeon Punks

THE DUNGEON PUNK

It's a phase that most young people grow out of. You know, hanging around in the local dungeon, painting graffiti, smoking clove cigarettes, maybe making out with a cute half-elf girl or boy. Usually, the young dungeon punks leave it behind and go off to school, or become smith apprentices, or brewmasters, or whatever.

However, sometimes the lure of the dungeon is so great that they cast their practical aspirations aside and become adventurers or explorers or sometimes even a sorcerer, or to the true dismay of their family and peers, a bard.
Most will take up the sword - 

And some will take up the eyeliner

It is my estimation that this is what a badass first level character looks like. (Well not the dude in eyeliner necessarily) They've spent their lives up to that point dreaming of adventuring, battling foul creatures, and uncovering untold treasure in the deep and dark.

Sure, some characters have been apprentice mages, did odd jobs for the local thieves guild, was an acolyte at the local church, but others, the fighter, those who learned to defend themselves, those who dreamed of getting the fuck out of the sticks and out into the wilderlands of high adventure.

The "Dungeon Punk" is a hybrid of various class skills. They've been trained, not formally but by a friend or by reading a book or by taking a class at the local Y. They've perhaps stolen their gear. They're naive, but eager. Maybe to a fault.

Here are a few skill/bonus ideas for the "Dungeon Punk"

Can perform one thief skill at the first level. Two at the third level and three at the ninth. 

Has magic artifact or enchanted weapon. How they came to possess it could have repercussions later in the game. 

Has a magical amulet or family heirloom that will allow them to cast one MU spell per day (a non-lethal spell) 

Grew up in a religious school for troubled youths. Knows one first level cleric spell but only has a 50% chance of success.

Is an expert at gathering information, gossip and rumors. 

Can write and speak an additional localized "street" dialect. Knows local slang and expressions. 

Very good at evaluating monetary value of items. Knows the "street value".

Listens to only the most underground of bards. 

Very good at DIY projects. Can repair leather armor, mend clothing. Can make simple leather goods with right materials. 

Can improvise weapons. Gets a bonus to hit when using a broken bottle or pool cue, etc. 

Eyes adjust to darkness quickly. 

Bonus for running and evading pursuers. Good at climbing chain link fences. 

Always "knows a guy". Has a friend of a friend nearly everywhere they go. 

Expert in local squatting laws.