Sunday, December 30, 2012

Heart Breakers Bone Breakers

"Elemental Girl" by FastFood

The road from the Willows to the Slenderside is a lonely one. The only place to stop and take shelter is an old long house that smells like tobacco spit and greasy dog shits. The long house once served a logging camp. It's full of nothing now. 

But if you come out the western bridge to Slenderside you'll be treated to a nice view of the Stone Valley. There's an old quarry down there. It's where the prisoners from Slenderside get sent for work detail. All covered in white dust, digging and hewing in the rock, coughing up something fierce. All black blood caked around their mouths. 

Get to close to the edge of the valley and you can hear them calling out for water. Sons of bitches only give them water twice a day. Three times if the rain barrels are full.

There was a man named Grins. A real cussardly fuck if you know what I mean. Grins got pinched trying to fence some fancy incense burner or candle or some gold thing from the temple of Starius. Anyway, he had an elf girl on the side. See, they're not so open minded in Slenderside. Even a drunkard and a thief knows better than to be seen with an elf girl up there. Damn shame too. Some people just can't get their turds into the bucket, you know what I mean?

Anyway, our boy Grins gets sent to the Stone Valley for his trouble. He tells the elf girl to create a diversion so he can try and make a break for it. He had it all planned out. So what happens? The elf girl goes down there and calls out to the bosses. Short skirt, black leggings, you know, the works! So the bosses go to make time with the elf girl and Grins tries to make a break for it. He's got five other guys with him too. They're all shackled together you know.

So Grins and his Chain Gang make a run for it and it goes good for about a minute until he looks back and sees his elf girl and the bosses all aiming crossbows at them. One, two, three, five. They hit every man on the chain. Grins is struggling up the hill, pulling five dead men. As soon as he gets to the top, there's a Percy with a rock. Percy gives Grins three big strikes and he's out. Blood everywhere. 

The bosses all light cigars, give the pretty elf lady their regards, and tell the rest of the men to pull Grins and his crew down the hill. Pink dust just blowing around in the afternoon breeze. Yup, a real shame. They kept the bodies on that chain to spook the rest of the men. After the hacks couldn't take the smell, they finally buried them.

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